STFU, Silence Tender Flowing Undulating
by Tracy Chen & Panda Wong
Tracy Chen & Panda Wong / Photo by Hashem McAdam
an ode to silence
1.
as a child i thought one day i would be able to learn everything’s name and that it meant i could be a friend to all the things
looking at things and naming them…………………………………can be beautiful
like naming the family chicken with childlike hope that it won’t be dinner……
like holding your feelings and turning them to the light…. naming them after the colours that come to mind………….
but sometimes naming things is an act of violence like but then finding out that dinner is roast chicken…. like entering a stranger’s family reunion and shouting…………………………………….
hello, i know who u are and what u did last summer
when u don’t know anything at all……………………………………………
like poet jos charles said ‘it is horrible to be tangible inside capital’
i’m trying to learn the art of letting things exist silently
like leaving them the fuck alone!
2.
hmmmmmm…………………….
i like hearing people’s thoughts buffer in real time
seeing their bodies gesture towards thinking like a clumsy baby reaching for its own foot to suck on…………………………………………
I like melting in people’s company….
scientific studies show that a baby sighs every 50-100 breaths
this is one of many things I have in common with babies
one of my theories about life is that people like animals and babies because they don’t say anything…. they just are
3.
like warm gems under skin, some things are just felt instead of said
instead of languishing in silence now i luxuriate in it like ‘one of your French girls’
words take me away from my body
but silence takes my body back into soft relief
wraps me up like a stunning burrito
I think what I like most about listening is that i can disappear
4.
infinite feeling of rolling ellipses on iphone message makes me think of wild horses coming in to graze at pasture
ellipses come from greek word meaning ‘to fall short’
seeing animated ellipses gives me fuzzy feeling because it shows me that someone is there
thinking……. hi
ellipses are delicate representation of thinking like… a string of pearls
something cute about two ppl staring at miniature screens transmitting thoughts over network that is invisible to human eye…
i just want everyone who messages me in the world to know that…
your thought processes are just as precious to me
as your thoughts
and that i love witnessing your ellipses
i love lying very still with a sheet mask on my face
watching the ellipses roll and roll and roll like a friend doing the worm
thank u for injecting some suspense into my……….
boring fantastic life
5.
my love language is performing acts of care in silence,
cutting fruit into perfect segments, arranging on plate with chip of historically sentimental value, presenting to loved one with unassuming flourish
here u go i cut u some fruit is code for… i love u deeply
thinking about movie that i watched where so many things hover unsaid at fringes of the dinner table
reminds me of intentional skypes with friend where we eat together and don’t say much
love being old enough that i don’t feel the need to say anything in order to impress
heavy relate to dinner silence
heavy relate to eating instead of talking
heavy relate to understanding nourishment in silence
company in quiet
6.
baby yoda segment—
in news that touches my heart today,
werner herzog cries when he sees baby yoda
describes it as heartbreakingly beautiful
I’m like
same….
i’m obsessed with small tender things,
what appears in the details when we don’t say much
obsessed with big German filmmaker crying at sight of automated alien baby
how silence here….
signifies….
being floored
7.
what is there to say about words that hasn’t been said?
so much of language is just frantic gesturing at something large and intimidating which I guess means that….
writing poetry means that your kink is being hardcore intimidated by the world……
there are so many things i don’t understand but I love like…………….
post malone crocs worn confidently in broad daylight
or
stars studded in stained night sky blinking their own morse code at each other
or
baby yoda blinking slowly at me with cuteness that cuts like a thousand ninja stars
there are so many things i don’t understand but i love
like the way silence undulates
and can hold me…
makes me feel like the paris hilton ASMR segment
(whisper) that’s hot……….
Panda Wong is a poet and editor who lives on unceded land, so-called Melbourne/Narrm. She is interested in: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ / cuteness / inappropriate funeral etiquette / exceptional fruit / avatars / online & irl grief / bodies in varying spaces / communication / processing / ellipses / boundaries / rashes / family / memory / snark. She is an associate editor at The Suburban Review and has been published in Runway Journal, Rabbit, Sick Leave, Liminal, and more. She is also a 2020 Wheeler Centre Hot Desk Fellow.
Tracy Chen is a musician and producer, combining interests in pop music, slowness and the natural warmth of field recording. Previous work and performances include OzAsia Festival, composition for Adelaide’s ‘Dances for a Small Stage’ and a residency with Brighter Sound’s (UK) Artistic Directors Series.
