A Conversation
A conversation between Panda Wong and Tracy Chen, on their collaboration, ‘STFU, Silence Tender Flowing Undulating’
Panda: I think what came out of our discussions around how we wanted the space to feel during our performance was a focus on comfort and familiarity. When we were working on this piece, we spent some time at Million Life (both together and separately) ... I think this experience of winning toys and playing games was something that trickled through into my work. I love rediscovering things I enjoyed as a child and being comfy enough to re-engage in them without embarrassment or consciousness or wtv… One of my favourite parts of this performance was how we brought plushies into the room and threw them across the room at people lol... It felt cute and nice to me to make people laugh and hug toys and relax a little. When writing, I had an interest in the comfort of silence or the value of nonverbal communications, so maybe this was a natural outcome?
Tracy: Mm I liked that we focused on how we wanted to feel/offer others to feel and let ourselves be really simple and playful about it rather than conceptualising too hard. It felt comfy to perform…. I think it helped that there was already an emphasis on silence and space with the brief we were given, typically it’s a bit more effort to hold those intentions especially when your work is slower paced and calls for more patience, or maybe the environment isn’t as accommodating. They’re things I’ve felt anyway. Having to like... regulate nerves and remind yourself that you’re there to share your work as it is and that the space is a big part of it, that it’s not boring but also, it’s fine to be a bit boring...
Panda: At the time, silence was something I was considering a lot, in terms of how we value and think about different types of communication and how being articulate or loud can glean its own rewards. Like in our event description: ‘language is luxury and loaded and sometimes it’s nice when the world stfu’. So, the title ‘STFU, Silence Tender Flowing Undulating’ was just a joke about that. Thinking about it now, I’m in a place where I’ve also been thinking about how loaded and luxurious silence can be and how (as you said) I don’t want to romanticise silence, but still have this appreciation of silence and what it can hold and how it can create space?
Tracy: Stfu it’s a cute joke and it’s real! I think similar about language and being articulate... of course there’s value there.. At the same time I feel it’s way more socially impressive and attached to smartness than I wish it was maybe. It might be a bit of a tangent to go into this lol.. I’ll just leave it at that thought for now.
I’m not sure how to directly relate this back to the piece but I guess it comes back to bigger ways of being with each other that are less pressured and transactional.. where you’re not being immediately held to whatever energy you bring and how you articulate yourself within a small window of interaction or whatever..and value not being contingent on what you give/unconditional posi vibes.. that kind of thing. Thinking where there’s room for silence and thought processing but also the less clear-cut wavy emotional and sensory processing.. not sure I have the specific words for this.. but it’s huge when there’s space for it.
It’s nice feeling reminded of these things through making this with you, not necessarily just for the piece but also personally.
Also yeah :) I think appreciating silence isn’t necessarily romanticising, and being calmly romantic about things can be okay and fun too.. Was more thinking about the popular thing of glorifying ~the unsaid~ as if it represents some god-tier level of intimacy above communicating needs and feelings.. I don’t think either of us are saying that though.
Panda: At the time, I was watching and listening to a lot of ASMR videos because... I liked them lol. And I was thinking a lot about how there was a perfect volume to listen to these ASMR videos, because I like having to listen and focus and pay attention, which is something I struggle in and am trying to get better at but also… There's a reason why my brain is so broken. It’s nice to have some quiet when your brain is this noisy u know. Whispering is also an act that is quiet but actually requires your vocal cords to work overtime, as in if you whispered too much, you could ruin your vocal cords which is a thing I think about too.
T, I was thinking about how one of the sounds you made was this crinkling paper sound and it’s an image and sound that really stuck with me for some reason. I need to sit with why it’s so striking to me though. I think it’s striking because it’s a sound I haven’t paid attention to much or focused on... so having it brought to my attention in this way was a nice way to re-experience it!
Tracy: That’s nice hearing... I’m not sure either, maybe it’s the foregrounding of familiar/comforting sounds that are usually more ambient irl? Musically I like it because it’s a simple way of adding warmth and texture to something.
Panda: Ellipses was a big thing I was pretty obsessed with, when I read ellipses, I just see that rolling iPhone ellipses, which truly means my brain has become property of Apple ™ I think. But I also love how when you’re texting someone and you can see the rolling ellipses, it’s like seeing them think, a physical representation or marker of thought... So I do use them, maybe in excess in the performance, and trying to read for as long as a pause afforded by the ellipses is interesting. I like that these things are able to signal and measure silence…
Also, when collaborating, you’re kind of always waiting for the other person’s thoughts and ideas, like when we were texting about the project and our ideas, it was pretty marked by the rolling ellipses hehe. I also think about now, the ways that we are chatting about this piece in retrospect… there are a lot of ellipses happening now. We are apart so ellipses are the only way we can see each other’s thinking processes… if that makes sense.
It’s nice because it’s making me think about when we were making this piece, going to Million Life together and having our Hong-Kong-style breakfast before the performance. It’s cute to be able to have worked together in a way where we could just hang out and see each other’s ellipses or something… :-P
Tracey: It’s a cute and relaxing way to think about iPhone ellipses lol, I liked that it became a thing... Relate though with the usage... I haven’t really thought about it, but I guess similarly it’s just a natural reaction to where I’d pause if I was speaking ...which is usually a lot. It’s helpful being with your own thoughts for a sec or longer. I appreciated all those things too... it was a nice way to learn about you and be with you.
Panda Wong is a poet and editor who lives on unceded land, so-called Melbourne/Narrm. She is interested in: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ / cuteness / inappropriate funeral etiquette / exceptional fruit / avatars / online & irl grief / bodies in varying spaces / communication / processing / ellipses / boundaries / rashes / family / memory / snark. She is an associate editor at The Suburban Review and has been published in Runway Journal, Rabbit, Sick Leave, Liminal, and more. She is also a 2020 Wheeler Centre Hot Desk Fellow.
Tracy Chen is a musician and producer, combining interests in pop music, slowness and the natural warmth of field recording. Previous work and performances include OzAsia Festival, composition for Adelaide’s ‘Dances for a Small Stage’ and a residency with Brighter Sound’s (UK) Artistic Directors Series.
